Mother’s Home

She sits in the same brown chair reading the monthly calendar on her lap. The time, the day, the month or year have now lost meaning. A smile lights her darling wrinkled face when our golden retriever, Maggie, my husband, Tink Robinson, and I visit. She remembers all of us and also the names of my 2 brothers, sister-in-law and sometimes, our son, Dan, and my cousin, Carol. She often talks about her sister, Ollie, who passed away 10 years ago.

It has taken me awhile to accept that Mom has gone into the realm of forgetting but oh, you should hear her laugh! Tink teases her and says, “How’re you doin’, you sexy devil!” She throws her head back and laughs heartily. Then she says, “Oh yes, the men are just swarming around me today.” We tell her how nice her hair looks and she replies, “We have a new hairdresser you know.” She will repeat this at least another dozen times during our visit.

Then Mom points to something on the desk. “Who is that?” she asks. I hand her the picture. It is a photo of her with my wonderful step-father, George. I tell Mom who he is. She can’t seem to place him, but then I tell her that he was her second husband. “Oh?” she questions. I say, “Well you slept with him for over 30 years.” Then Mom laughs and says, “Well I’d better remember him then!”

Over and over during our time with her, we express our love for each other. Mom was the inspiration for my song called, “Mother’s Home”.

“Mother’s home, my love, Mother’s home little one
It’s all right to soar, testing your wings
Reaching for more
Little one, I’m still here, Little one, have no fear
Little one, Mother’s always home”

Click here to listen to an excerpt of “Mother’s Home“

Mom tries to tell us something, but can’t find the words. She says, “Oh Judy, I’m getting so ancient. I’m 100 you know.” She actually turned 95 just two months ago, but what’s the difference in a number.

Mom has forgotten that we had her over to our place for her birthday in September. We even sat her in front of the computer to have a Skype call with our son, Dan, who was in England. This whole internet thing is totally beyond her comprehension, but when she saw his image on the screen, she got all teary eyed and kept saying to our son, “Oh you’re just so handsome!” She was so proud of him when he flew Number 4 position for the Royal Canadian Airforce Snowbirds in 1996-97. Mom even had a T-shirt designed in his honor.

Mom can’t hear us very well and I discover that both batteries have died in her hearing aids. I insert new ones and write down the date they were changed. I look down at her swollen ankles bulging over her worn-out slippers. Her feet used to be a slender 5 triple-A. I went to Calgary last week (along with drawings of her feet), and came back with 4 pairs of slippers. All were too small, so I’ll be traveling there again to search for wider sizes.

Both tears and laughter surface instantly for her now. The universal language of music brings us into the moment. We sing some songs that she would know: “You are My Sunshine”, “Dear One, the World is Waiting for the Sunrise”, “K-K-K-Katy”, “A Bicycle Built for Two” – even later ones from musicals like, “The Sound of Music” and “My Fair Lady”. She belts along with us in “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly” and knows most of the words. She also adds the appropriate harmonies.

Mom again begins to speak, but stops in mid-thought and says, “I’m getting so confused.” A minute later, she will forget that she said this. I put an invisible microphone in front of her mouth, put on an exaggerated cockney accent and say, “Mrs. White, would you like to try that again!” She laughs – we all do, and Maggie comes over and kisses her cheek. Now it doesn’t matter what the subject was – the mirth has wiped the slate clean. Each moment is a fresh start. A nurse comes in to take Mom down to the dining room. She wonders what we’re laughing about. We reply that ”we’re chuckling just for the fun of it …” and Mom tells her that “We’re just a bunch of nuts in this family”.

And so our visit has ended for today. We say ‘I Love You’ over and over again. Tink and Maggie leave to walk home as I watch the nurse take Mom into the bathroom. I see her disappear around the corner – our little Mom who used to be 5’1″ tall and is now about 4’6”. I’m smiling through misty eyes. I look around the room – quite spacious actually with a sitting room, bedroom and large bathroom which accommodates her walker. A framed picture of Mom and me wearing big hats looks back at me. We had fun wearing those last spring at the ‘hat day’ tea.

Mom has always loved dressing up. About 15 years ago, her ladies’ group had to serve tea at a function. They all agreed to dress in costume. Of course, all of the women wore fancy clothes and prim little hats – except Mom. She wanted to do something funny, so she wore a false nose and hat with huge tall feathers!

Her room seems so sparse. There is no need for ‘stuff’ anymore – just the basics. I make a note to myself to clear out all the extra paraphernalia in our home, because, how much do we need really? When we moved her to this upper level of care floor, we installed mirrors and hung as many of her paintings as would fit on the walls.

Mom was always artistic, but began painting after she married George. He passed into Spirit in 2002. They lived out on his farm for many years before building a lovely home in town. It was on a half acre with an indoor swimming pool, mountain view, lush trees and garden. Mom had her very own art room and she painted hundreds of beautiful works of art – beginning with oils and very soon graduating to watercolors. Our home is filled with her paintings, as are my brothers. We cherish the memories of all the happy times, the delicious meals, games, support, love and so much laughter. It amazes me that Mom’s humor is still so present. The staff members just adore her and tell me that Mom always brightens their day.

I used to over-smile when I went to the Lodge – and then wonder why I was so exhausted. I know it was because I was resisting the change. My Mom was always so smart, so quick, so giving and so ‘there’ for me. Now the roles are reversed. I look at a photo of Mom at about 2 years old when she was just beginning her journey here. It seems that life passes in a blink – but that is just an earth expression. We decided we needed to measure time – and yet, there is only This Moment.

I pick up 3 big print books to return to the lending library. They have been sitting there for the last 6 months and Mom can’t see well enough to read them anymore. I remember when we first moved her to the independent ground floor of the Lodge 3 years ago. She was thrilled to discover reading again. Her first large print book was a compilation of Reader’s Digest stories. I can still hear her words when she phoned to tell me all about the book. “Judy”, she said, “This story is really spicy!!” (Then she proceeded to read me a few passages – ‘the woman’s eyes drifted to his swelling manhood’, etc.) … “Judy, this is so racy, that I had to read it twice!”

I smile as I recall another incident when she lived on that floor. My brother, Jan, and wife, Sue, were vacationing in New Orleans. They phoned Mom to say hello and give her their cell phone number. Mom said, “Oh Jan, I’m so glad to have your number. Now I’ll know how to get in touch with you in case I drop dead.”

So tomorrow, I will visit again and see Mom sitting with the calendar – meaningless to her now. I think I am there to see to her needs and cheer her up. But it is really the other way around. By letting go of minutes and years and even memories, Mom is just living breath by breath. By just simply ‘being’, she is teaching me about letting go and living only NOW. The I AM within her is alive and well. One day, she won’t be sitting in her chair anymore. She will be dancing, jumping, turning cartwheels, tending flowers, painting and charming everyone with her quick wit. And she will have a beautiful reunion with her sister and mother, and also with my dad and step-father who always remained friends throughout their life here on earth.

I am blessed that I chose her for my Mom and I will forever feel her presence. My song now reveals a deeper symbolic meaning. As I breathe into the center of the words and melody, my knowing heart opens and I remember … MOTHER’S HOME.

“Mother’s Home, believe
Mother’s Home, just receive
As you start to see Love all around
It’s only Me
Mother’s Home, I AM Here
Mother’s Home, dry your tears
Little one, Mother’s always HOME”

 

 

 

 

To listen to a clip of “Mother’s Home” – Click Here (Song #5)  If you would like to download the whole song for 99 cents – Click Here

P.S. I would love you to visit my brand new From Spirit to Story to Song Website Home for more fun and inspirational stories.

While you are there, download my song and FREE Gift for you, “Give Yourself Love”.

© Judy Armstrong 2013